"HOLY COW" was the mutterings of the hour

What a couple of weeks it's been.

School started back for the couples I work for who have disabled children and it's with a mixture of regret and "whew" that the "kiddos" are once again in a similar daily grind similar to the ones us adults have to face to put food on the table and gas in the car.

I had a rather interesting doctor's appointment a couple of weeks ago. The information I was given was shocking and scary to say the least. Let me start with some background info. I'm overweight, have been since puberty hit... I have three types of asthma (allergic, nonallergic and environmental), food allergies, medicinal allergies, enviornmental allergies, Endometriosis (treated with Lupron Depot - but recently giving me trouble again), Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, interstitial cystitis of the bladder, a survivor of a Pineal Tumor and its treatment (remission since 93! ), survivor of an acute stroke, recently married (july 12) and recently living in a new state doing a new job.... with two cats and a roommate. Can we say "Oh my gosh" yet? On top of all of that, this is my second marriage (first one ended because of an abusive husband). What else, oh yes, I've had three miscarriages. My first and third (most recent) miscarriage were because of of blighted ovums; while the second was because of my first husband decided he just didn't want to be a Father (most of the reason why he's now the "ex").

Now then, back to my point - rather my appointment with my new and local OBGYN. I've been on birthcontrol since my most recent miscarriage (after three of them... and all the risks, my new hubby just didn't want to worry right away)... and to keep my cylces "regular". The new doc (I just love my PA) took one look at my medical history (trust me - I just gave you the high points) and about had kittens over the fact that I was a stroke survivor and on birthcontrol. It's a big "NO-NO" apparently. Uncomfortable girly tests done and I was back in the doctors office ( I wasn't even supposed to see him that day - just the PA) and he comes in to have a "talk". Wanting to know our plans... to have kids or not to have kids - that was the question.

To me it was never any question - I want to be a mom... however, three miscarriages and a bad medical past... the doctor isn't sure my selfish desires are worth the risk. My new hubby is on the fence - he doesn't know if he wants kids and worries over the risk of loosing another baby, loosing me or either myself or baby ending up with more health issues. I was adopted so my thoughts immediately turned to adoption. HOLY COW is it expensive... so I looked at adopting foster children... again - not all that easy to do. Then I stumbled upon something that I initially thought would chill me to the bone... yet, I felt drawn to a site called "Happily Childfree" and just couldn't seem to stop reading. So many things I read were things I'd said as to reasons why I wanted to have kids and I wanted to share it with others who may be feeling like I do right now. Low and behold - I'm not limited to "risk it and try to 'naturally' have a child", adopt a little guy from someone or adopt from the foster system... I can be a family... a REAL FAMILY with just myself, my husband and our two cats and fish.

I can honestly say "I'm in the grieving stage"... just another step in the healing process.

I hope y'all have a great day.

~Ang