What I learned from a Custom Breyer

I'm a collector of Breyer horses. I currently own... ten and have I think four more on the way. I got the Breyer bug from Heather. (Thanks!) She, today, showed me a custom site and I wanted to share the one that I liked most. I think I like this carefree, colorfull and yet purposed one the most because it reminds me of so many things.

It reminds me that life changes, deal with it and pick up another color

people change, accept that, do some change of your own and keep learning

the way you think will change and trust me that's a good thing - we all used to think that a jar of baby food was damn good stuff

we, as a peole have to be moving or we break down
this little horse...and my messed up texan family reminded me of this



DRASTIC CHANGE OF SUBJECT


My little brother is an alcholic. Self-admited, wants to do AA but isn't allowed to (according to him) because he and his CO are drinkin buddies. Not sure how much I believe the drunken ramblings of my "I can lie right to your face" little brother. But he is my little brother. I have always tried so hard to protect him. Have been hurt in his place - because it was nothing I hadn't experienced before so what was one... or three more people to add to my list of molesters and rapist at the not-so-tender age of 11? My little brothers wife has decided that she likes our cousin better and since he's here and my little brother (kid) is over in Korea doing a service to this country... well... she was lonely. And now their twin sons, my nephews, are calling my cousin "daddy". As if my little brother needed a reason to drink... well hell... I just listed some of the top five right there. If I were a drinking person, I'd be neck deep in a bottle too. I'm not saying it's right.

I fell into the bottle myself, when I was married. It made me numb and I didn't have to think as much. I certainly didn't have to feel. But that kind of shit was not allowed at Heather's and I wasn't about to allow her boys to think it was the right way to deal with things. So ... I went from drinking about a gallon a day to nothing but sodas. I don't think she even knew all of what I was going through when I came to live with her and the boys I love so dearly. She knew I'd been terribly abused by my first husband... had two miscarriages with him (one because of natural causes and one because of ex-husband causes) and smoked when I twitched too bad to not. How I craved for that drink. The welcoming fuzz and the warmth.

With the depressive slump I've been in the last week... two weeks... I find myself wishing for a drink. For that familar fuzz and warmth. Then I think of how Kid is... and how disappointed my husband would be with me. How warm and fuzzy he makes me feel... and I don't even bring the stuff into my house. Not to mention it screws up my already screwed up blood pressure.

All the mess with my little brother, who I raised from the time we adopted him until he moved with mom and dad to VA... I'm to "stay out of it". How am I to stay out of it when he im's me... wanting someone to talk to, needing someone? There again, is it really my problem to take on? Honestly, what can I do? I've told him what he already knows. Repeated what he's told me back to him in my best psych impression... and I pray for him. He knows the steps to take, he knows he needs to be a man, not hide in a bottle. I've told him I know he can do it. The same things (different gender) that he told me ... three years ago when he found out that my first husband was abusing me. He said his peice... often... but didn't really try to help. There was nothing really for him to do but be there for me, remind me that he was proud of me... that I could be and do better. Between him and my husband, my sister and a few others, I finally took that to heart. But that was on my own terms, in my own time. I'll be there for him... listen and tell him what he already knows and pray... but I can do nothing else. The rest is up to him... in his terms... on his time.