Saturday, February 16, 2008


The conviction of not being good enough; is feeling as if you have a lack of ability and certain character traits that make you less worthy. Nobody can stand those thoughts. Whether we realize it or not every person in this wide world needs the knowledge of being worthy – at least from some people. We need to know that we are enough for those persons, just the way we are.

In our first steps of life, it is our parents whose attention and love we crave. Then there will be our friends, the people we meet on our way to adulthood. Finally yet importantly, the person we love. Finding the one you truly love is a tough task. Most people spend their whole lives searching, while others get the great opportunity of finding them without much effort. Nobody said that finding would be just the end of the story.

Finding does not mean having.

If you find the person you are convinced is the one for you, is it enough? Several factors have the ability to destroy your dreams and hopes about a serious and long-lasting relationship. First, the façade some people create. From the way people act with their masks, it is not always easy for other people to see through their masks and right into their hearts. Secondly, they are marked by their past. Many are too afraid of another relationship that may end in the same or worse ways. Thirdly, if the man you love is not really the person you knew or though him to be.

Moreover, if you do not care that he is different, if you still believe, he is the one for you, it will destroy you. Knowing you are not enough for the man you are ready to spend your whole life with, for the man you would change into a different woman, for the one man you would do anything – is something nobody can bear alone. In spite of everything, it happens. You fall, you love, you give and you change. Then you will have to deal in your own way with the one thought: “I am not good enough”.

The only thing worse than that thought, is the fear and wonder if there is already somebody else who is.

To that end, you could say jealousy is a bad character trait if you would just see things perfunctorily. Well, sure, in some way, it is – but in fact, it reveals so much more of that person. Jealousy is a great sign that somebody is not satisfied with himself, not approve the way oneself is. Because only those people need to be jealous of other persons who believe devoutly that they lack of something. It certainly has also something to do with the question if they are good enough – whether in their own eyes or in the ones of others. They are unsure. Slowly a deep and steady idea arises within them that something is wrong with them.

Now they observe other people. Notice how they appear, how they behave and how positive the environment reacts towards them. Honestly, they want all that as well. A self-confident person would most likely never get the idea to wish to be somebody else. He does not require that. The problem at first is, to make those persons realize; there is nothing to be afraid or ashamed of. That they are precious creatures just like every other human being. For sure, that they do not need to change their personalities to become valuable or beloved – because they already are.

The environment, which includes the people around you; need to realize, as much as they want to, that it is not their place to help. When you are already that convinced of your worthlessness, people who are close to you are much likely too carried away by their own feelings, than to be able to help you. Sometimes, there is only one option left: An outsider is necessary to make you see things, things you would not acknowledge from anybody else. The only condition is are you willing to open yourself up to that outsider.

People say that time can heal everything.

It may sound clichéd, but in a way, it is true. If people are willing and patient enough to spare an uncertain amount of time and work, things will improve. Tentative friendships can be reformed, restructured and shored up; a broken heart and spirit can heal and grow stronger than ever before. Time can help people get over the hurt and pain and allows them to make a fresh start – if only the people are willing to make one. For that, a person also needs to see that they are worth enough to let time take care of things and that they need to undertake the task of initiating and supporting said fresh start.

The question is how to realize that? How to accept, to believe that you are good enough just the way you are? How do you stop doubting yourself?

The trigger is different in each situation, but a certain trigger is necessary nonetheless. The trigger can allow you to pour out and face every one of your afflicted feelings. It has the ability to force you to see the inner-battered self. It has the potential to give insight to why you had given up on yourself. The hope is that it can help you to find the strength and bravery to leave the protective shell and to fight. That does not mean that everything is fixed, but it can show that you are willing to gain a confidence back in order to accept whom you are and what you want. Those changes are necessary and do not occur over night. They need time.

Men are not sensitive human beings, people say, but when they actually open up to a woman, they are often more vulnerable than any female could ever be. When do they ever truly open up with all their heart? When he shows you that you are his world and when you allow yourself to believe him. Then and only then will you lay all your trust in him, to hold you the next time that you need someone to have your back. In a way, they both learn something that only time could make them see.

If you are never brave enough to let anyone in your own little world, then you will never know what it is like to be happy. You will never know what it is to be complete. In the end, you need to be look at the people around you that love you, although they are human and full of flaws.

Just like you.

Just like me.


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