FUNNY - but true

ZEN SARCASM and more

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Pretty much, just leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles often begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before the dawn. So, if you are going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, they won´t promote you.

5. At times it feels as though no-one truly hears you.... until you break wind.

6.You are unique, just like everybody else.

7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

8. If you think that nobody cares if you are alive, try missing a couple of rent payments.

9. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes.

10. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

11. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. Plus the fish are safe.

12. If you lend someone $20 and never see them again, it was probably worth it.

13. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember as much.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experiences, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

15. The one sure way to double your money is to fold it in half.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like "The Force". It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with nimrods. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. "Experience" is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Always take the opportunity to shut yer pie hole.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

23. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take things too seriously.