Happy Hallow's Eve

50 things about me

I’m a woman.
I’m a cancer survivor.
I’m naive sometimes.
Wife.
I'm a caretaker of non-ambulatory teenagers.
I'm Hard of Hearing/ ASL Deaf.
I'm a member of the Deaf Community.
I'm a member of the Hearing Community.
I'm a believer - in many things.
Capricorn.
I'm a painter.
I'm a writer.
I'm a singer.
I communicate with more than a voice.
I am me.
I'm a survivor of brutality.
I'm fond of yellow daisies.
I'm enticed by a freshly showered Darlin'.
I'm passionate about my friends and family.
I'm a best friend to several.
I'm in love with two of my best friends.
I'm married to one of them.
I'm an "adopted sister" to the other.
"Pet" to two cats (I've finally learned they are the bosses).
I have a Beta Fish too.
I'm afraid of thunderstorms but I love to see them roll.
I'm always trying to come up with new recipes in the kitchen.
I'm addicted to chocolate.
I don’t always understand “hearing humor”.
I ally myself with the element of Air.
I enjoy seeing things through a camera lens.
Hot cocoa does make things better.
Ice cold tea is my favorite drink in the summer time.
I miss the snow and weather that makes we don a coat.
I’m an Aunt to 3 boys and 3 girls by family.
I’m an Iggiey to 6 boys and 1 girl by heart.
If I had to describe myself in one word “kitten” would be it.
I play World of Warcraft and love it!
I think the world would be a better place if punishments were swift and fitting the crime.
I have forgiven those who have done me very wrong - but I have not forgotten.
I’m glad to have the parents that I have - it could have been much worse for me.
I’m blessed when J smiles at me.
I’m amazed when I look back at what I’ve lived through.
I cast.
I breathe even when it’s not always easy to do so.
I love to read a good book and will even give the “bad ones” a chance.
I’m always looking for new cookie recipes.
I have more courage than I usually give myself credit for.
I’m happy.
I blog - can’t you tell? I hope you enjoyed this peek into me.

A picture is worth how many words?

this is me right now.

nuff said.

I'll post tomorrow - after I've slept some of this... away.

Blessed be.

Wintersmith Wanderings

Amphitheatre @ Wintersmith

The first place that Robert and I went on a date was to Wintersmith Park - here in town. I had just driven up from Texas (last year at Thanksgiving break) and he suggested a walk to stretch my legs and give us the chance to talk. We took Tara - his mom's black lab with us, because she loves going for walks too, and off we went.

It was a beautiful day. Not cold but not hot either. Just perfect. I simply adored all the trees. The company was good too. -smiles- And off we three went. We walked and talked for at least an hour, just taking our time to look at everything and just enjoy being together. I was amazed at the waterfalls and Robert took delight in pointing out the masses of squirels that live in the park. He has much better hearing than this lil HoH (Hard of Hearing/ASL Deaf) lady has. If he didn't hear them, Tara sure did.

It's been so dry here (and elsewhere too) and this past weekend and week it's rained off and on. Sunday though, it just poured. When I took Robert to work it was raining. When he called at 5ish because he needed his keys, it was starting to slow down - just drizzling. So, on a whim and to relax, I went to Wintersmith to walk. As has become the norm, I had my camera with me and snapped pictures. I've put two posts worth up and will add to it tomorrow.

Here's two that I will share now.

&

I had to wonder, about this little leaf, if it wanted to be something different

or if it was just resting on it's way to the ground.

This week in review and a quality question

Well - it's been a crazy week. I haven't done much really, other than work and trying to keep my head above water. I had created a secondary blogspot for photos and finally today I got it all set up and started adding to it. Some are pictures I've taken this week (like some of the flowers) while others I took several weeks ago and just hadn't put up. Others are friends and loved ones both present and past. I'll continue to update there and here. With my changing schedule and Robert's, I just didn't set the time aside to take care of my blog, am going to try to not let that happen again.

So - catching up for a weeks worth of things.

Monday we had "Family" over, by means of my husband and roomies best friend Erik. My husband calls him "THE old man" while I have affectionately dubbed him "CM" (for cookie monster). Typically either Sunday or Monday is what's become "cookie day". Which means I break out my jars and make some flavor of from scratch/made with love cookie and dinner for us at the house and any other "Family" who wants to come. This week it was Celtic Apple Roasted Chicken with stuffing and Split-pea-strone soup. We had CrasinSpice cookies that day. It was kinda a spice theme.

Tuesday we ran errands and paid a few bills. After all that, we just kinda vegged out. Didn't really do much of anything that day. I caught up on some much needed sleep. Oh - and I finally called the doc for a script for the blister/breakout sore that was trying to take over my bottom lip.

Wednesday - I worked in the early hours and in the evening. One of the consumers I work with was in a bit of a mood so I came home rather grumpy as a result. Sorry Darlin'.

Thursday - I overselpt. I thought I'd set the alarm... but we have cats... it went off sometime just before 8 and hubby got up and hit snooze - not thinking about it. I'm to be at work by 730. My main house called me at 807 going "are you okay? Where are you?" Needless to say I was dressed and there in seven minutes. Please don't ask how fast I was going - I'll plead the fifth! Well, all in all it was okay that I was late, my main consumer had a field trip so we didn't have to rush her morning (which is good - she tends to NOT like being rushed - imagine that ... come on... think about it - do you like being rushed? Huh Huh.... tell me. See... you don't like it either.).

Friday - well... that was the day I stayed up too late the night before... but for good reasons :) and went into work with the intent of "I'll do my hour and a half then go home and crawl back into the warm bed with the Darlin' Hubby. Do you think that happened? Nope. It didn't. Why - because it was Friday the 13th and my J (my main consumer that's female) decided "Nope - I'm just going to sleep today". And boy did she. There's outside construction going on - lots and LOTS of banging and typically she's a light sleeper, but not that day. She slept from 8a-3p with very little waking periods in between. I changed her and fed her and she slept pretty much through it. I FINISHED MY BOOK TONIGHT! (Review to come)

Today - J was awake and smiling when I got here. [insert sigh of relief for me and her mom here after the way she was yesterday]. Everyone else had dibbs on the shower so we dressed in clean pj's and went to the den to veg in front of the big screen. She just loves watching TV. Halfway through a movie she went to sleep all stretched out in the recliner. It's soooo cute. I snapped a pic - but will have to get J's moms permission before I share any pics of her with y'all.

There are days when I wonder about J's quality of life - or if she even has any. 14 with the function and comp of an infant about six months old (at the best). But my gosh, if I don't adore her. Enough silly-ness and I get a smile or a coo that just makes even the grumpiest of days seem brighter. Then I look back and realize - she's improved MY quality of life and others around her by having the J personality that she does have. Even now as she sleeps, I have to say that the least little movement or odd sound and my head comes up and I'm watching her, posed and ready to set the laptop aside and make sure she's okay or at least comfortable.

She makes me remember that I'm blessed, even on my worst of days. Last night as I was dragging my right side along with the rest of me and started to complain, J flashed in my mind and my mouth shut and I kept on trucking. It would be so ... easier to just lie down, hide under the covers and not face the world or it's looming issues. But then, if I do that - who will make sure CM doesn't have withdrawl from lack of cookies? Who will get a special smile from J? Who will smile in the knowledge of being loved by My Darlin' husband - who's come to the voiced realization that he misses me when I'm not there. Who will call my Sisi at horridly early hours just to chat? Who will adore my parents for being my parents? I'm sure that others would in time, step up to each plate and fill in... but it wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't be me. I may not always be what is best, but I am me... and thats something.

So tell me... what improves your quality of life?

How do you improve the quality of other's lives?

Friday Morning Yummies

Mini Monkey Bites - with and without whipped cream

These are yummy - and can be adjusted based on how much spice you like or dislike. Myself - I like a lot - others, not so much.

Can of biscuts (buttery flaky work best or your own from scratch)
cut biscut dough into 1/4

3 T butter (melted in a small dish)
2 T cinnamon & 1/2 t cloves & Nutmeg & Allspice
(mixed in a second small dish)

dip 1/4 pieces into butter then into spice mix

place in a greased baking dish -squash them together so that they have to be pulled appart later

bake at 375 for 10-15 minutes (depending on how crunchy you want 'em)

Remove from baking dish right away to cool

top with a dollop of whipped cream (optional)

ENJOY with your favorite tea or coffee

WCB # 70

Maggie and Haley were perched on the back of the couch while I was talking to Heather earlier this week. Maggie determined to find out what the devil that beast was attached to my ear was, took the cell away from me and tried to "kill" it.

I've taken to keeping my camera handy (now that it's working) so that I can save candid moments like this. I know that the hosts are looking for "cat in the box" type pics... but this was too cute to not share.

Happy weekend all!

Tests and Revelations shared

The day came and went yesterday - appointment day. It went as I expected and not as I expected. I knew he would say that birth control is a no-no. I figured he would say that for Robert and I to get pregnant "naturally" would be a risk. I mean seriously, what doctor in their right mind with my history would say "yeah- sure- go for it"... sign their name to the approval and all. None but quacks spring to mind. He mentioned anticardiolpin... a term I'd not heard in a few years. It was mentioned once, upon a time, that I should be tested for it. Insurance and jobs changed and I forgot the medical term... until the doctor mentioned it in his office.

He had me do the normal checks for residuals... hold your hands out in front of you-palms up and close your eyes. A typical person will be able to hold 'em both up without a problem. Not so the case for me. I couldn't - no matter how hard I tried, keep my hands palm up, outstretch and my eyes closed all at the same time without my right arm drifting (it was at my waist before he called quits and that was only a few seconds in) downward. Push and pull against his hands... again showed a noticable decrease of ability on the right. Walking... slight shuffle on the right... lack of balancing ability when asked to stand on just the right leg... or walk toe-to-heel. All these small things... little things you might be telling yourself (and trust me, I'm trying to convince myself they are little too) add up. They scream "residual impairment" with the largest font available in the most horrid of color choice. And believe it or not - Tuesday was a GOOD day. Makes me wonder what his reaction had been like if it'd been a bad day.

So... he ordered my records from my hospital visit in Texas when I had the stroke .. and ordered a mass of blood tests. I don't recall ever having that much blood drawn at once before. He's run a Lupus anticogulant panel, a check for the anticardiolpin antibody, a current Sed Rate, a PTT, Protime, ANA and the Titer PRN ANA and your basic CBC.

According to the agreement made with Robert... I'm not going to look up all the tests and stress myself out. Is it stressing me to not know what, in my blood, the doctor is looking for - yes.

However, if you are curious - this link is a search engine that gives the run down on the tests. PLEASE do not comment about the test specifics to me... if you do - I can not and will not protect you from the protective-Robert-backlash you will face.

But I have to wonder, if maybe hubby is right and if I know the specifics, I'll worry more and start looking at my symptoms and going "what if" and "oh my God..." worse than I already am.

What I do know is ... last night when the talking about it and the tears finally came, he held me... told me it was okay to cry and didn't judge me for it. Other than Heather, no one else has ever done that.


So... Heather - this is to you.

I wanted to say that I'm sorry for all the wasted time we've lost and for the times I don't tell you how very important you are to me and how you've helped me heal and grow and feel loved.

I haven't told you nearly enough how I admire your strength and courage. I know that somedays it's a challenge to open your eyes, much less to get out of bed and deal with the rugrats.

I hope you can forgive me for not being a better friend and sister.

and by all that is above and below - I pray you know that I love you because I do... more.




". . . His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak,
and to those who have no might, He increases strength."
~Iasiah 40: 28c & 29~